my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
