Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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