the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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