I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
