his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize