We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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