Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
