i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
