You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
