Quick, to the slutcave!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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