someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
