So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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