Your face is a jimmy john
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
