I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
