and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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