I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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