I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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