He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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