He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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