Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
