Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
