you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
