just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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