i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize