can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
