You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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