His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
