last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
