how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
