this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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