Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
