She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
