whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize