porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
