I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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