i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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