Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't turn off my feet"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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