Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
