i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
is it fun? or sober?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
