Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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