He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
