My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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