this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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