Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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