Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
