I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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