her vagine was all disorganized.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
