Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
