you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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