My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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