I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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