Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
