Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
