To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
