Everything about him screamed your future.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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