sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
