Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
