you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
