Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
