The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
