i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
not ubering you a puppy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
