My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
