I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
