I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
