If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
