NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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