The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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