then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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