we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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