Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
