God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
