it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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