I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
