I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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