so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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