ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
