Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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