I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This baby is an asshole
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
