It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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