hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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