okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
