Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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