I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
