I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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