you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
