be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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