I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
