remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
