I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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