we're chasing vodka with high fives
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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