he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
