I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
