Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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