so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
