I think I won the penis lottery.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
