My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
