Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
