He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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