just come out here and I will go home with you...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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