I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
