im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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