I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize