if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
