just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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