lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
