well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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