I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
