my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
