P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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