I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
